Guest post by: Adria Nemeroff, in memory of Peter Falkowski
Tuesday was my first bike ride for the season, about 10 miles on a sunny and beautiful evening on the trail starting from Stockertown, PA. I forget from fall to spring how much I LOVE the wind and speed of it, the freedom and views all around. As usual, I missed Peter and thought he would love it, too. But the truth is that we never once biked together.
On our second real date Peter showed me his bike which fit in the back of his white Subaru. He loved it and felt lucky to have bought it used when he moved to the area last year. Then he had quickly joined a few biking groups and soon was exploring the local paths. I wish I had known him during that time, because it was yet another activity that we both enjoyed. However, I met him in late November, and his bike was soon gone from his car for the winter.
We had talked about taking the bike train and trail in Jim Thorpe, riding the train up the mountain then biking back down when the weather was warm. We also had a trip to North Carolina planned for this coming July and agreed we would drive down and bring our bikes to ride the paths of the resort, maybe even into the town there.
I do love biking but wonder how long it will be a bittersweet ride, knowing I will never have had the chance to go riding together with Peter. As the dates of our many plans come and pass without him, I feel his loss over again. I still struggle with the pain of knowing that everything from the gourmet coffee I was planning to get for his Christmas stocking to our dream Norway vacation are forever lost along with him.
It has now been over two months since Peter died, and well-intentioned people mention to me a male friend or relative about my age or ask if I am on any dating sites. But I still carry Peter with me in my heart and mind. He was a true companion to me, going on adventures and planning more, and talking together about things that matter and not just reality TV. We even ate the same foods and laughed at the same things. I intend to do with the summer what I would have done with Peter: hike and bike and yes, even laugh sometimes.
I do not intend to try to fill the space that I still wish for him to occupy. I will follow his example and become comfortable on my own. That is what I will focus on, with possibly more than half of my life left to live without someone who’s presence in it would have meant many fun and pleasant days. I will not look for a new person to replace all he meant to me, and it would not be fair to expect that of anyone.
Peter, I am going it alone now, as I believe you would.
PS – I love you.
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|About the author: Adria Nemeroff is a CPA currently residing near Allentown, PA. She began the Peter’s Pack series as a tribute to her departed companion and hiking partner Peter John Falkowski, who’s enthusiasm for the scenic outdoors and artistic talents for photographing landscapes inspired her to keep going outside. Peter’s Pack will now roam on adventures both familiar and new in loving memory of him.|